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I have been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she has been constantly caught off guard by people. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle vanished during that time, because they seemed drawn to him. This surprised her. She put in more effort toward our bond, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few in her circle vanished and she isn't sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she had been very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I open discussion points but she shifts them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been planning a vacation to a country I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in for some time. My intention was to share advice, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I've just ended a month in that country she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution requires bravery and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining how things go in your conversations. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing her how it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute here. What you feel are valid, of course. The third step is to ask ways you together can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be effective to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore your concerns, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they're unable to abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out this way then consider about what you've said. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it provides peace from having been honest with her.